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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28014393">You've ruined my life, by not being mine</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/If_I_Say_Light/pseuds/Oldfoe'>Oldfoe (If_I_Say_Light)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A little bit of angst, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Drunken Shenanigans, F/F, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I think this counts as a, Inspired by Taylor Swift, Los Angeles, Meredith pines over addison, Song: Gorgeous (Taylor Swift), Songfic, This is probably short, Timeline What Timeline, and, idk - Freeform, it's not that angsty, it's not that smutty, meddison, somewhere in the middle of season 5 I think</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:08:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,130</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28014393</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/If_I_Say_Light/pseuds/Oldfoe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You're so gorgeous<br/>I can't say anything to your face</p><p> </p><p>Derek proposes, Meredith runs to L.A. and meets Addison at a conference.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You've ruined my life, by not being mine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So I wrote this as a distraction from my other Meddison fic, which I'm trying to finish. I don't really know how it is or if it came out alright so please let me know.</p><p>English isn't my first language. Every mistake that you'll find is mine. I don't own anything.</p><p>Please leave kudos and comments, they make my day!<br/>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Meredith didn't know how she had arrived at this point in her life.</p><p> </p><p>Drunk at some fancy conference in L.A.</p><p> </p><p>Cristina was out there on the dance floor with Callie.</p><p> </p><p>She was drinking tequila.</p><p> </p><p>She and Derek had broken up. They had yelled and fought, then he had apologized and gotten down on one knee.</p><p> </p><p>She had never walked out of a room faster in her life.</p><p> </p><p>Callie had convinced her and Cristina to follow her here, said it'd be good for their morale.</p><p> </p><p>It had been, for a few hours. But then some hot guy had tried to hit on her and she had remembered that she was at a point in her life where people had to hit on her. Because she was alone again.</p><p> </p><p>She had no idea how she had gotten to the point of being stuck in a relationship, going about her life in circles. She and Derek kept going in circles.</p><p> </p><p>So she had ended it, told him to move out because she just couldn't do it anymore.</p><p> </p><p>She hadn't cried yet. The whole flight all she could think about was just how grateful she was that she had woken up in time to realize that she had been sleeping through most days of her life.</p><p> </p><p>She downed another shot.</p><p> </p><p>Her pathetic attempt at a relationship wasn't the only reason she was sitting on a very uncomfortable stool, drowning her sorrows.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes had gone to her as soon as she had walked into the room. Like some helpless little fly, magnetically attracted to bright lights that could only hurt her.</p><p> </p><p>Addison Montgomery lighted the whole room up.</p><p> </p><p>And Meredith had been in the dark her whole life.</p><p> </p><p>Her luck was just hilarious.</p><p> </p><p>Her friends finally came back.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! Have you seen who's here, Mer?”</p><p> </p><p>She turned around hoping they hadn't been so stupid to bring her here.</p><p> </p><p>She must have been too quick for her drunken brain, she fell on the floor and started laughing.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, how much have you had to drink?”</p><p> </p><p>Callie helped her up and into her seat again.</p><p> </p><p>Luckily Addison wasn't with them.</p><p> </p><p>“A lot”</p><p> </p><p>Cristina rolled her eyes when her answer was followed by a laugh and ordered another drink.</p><p> </p><p><em>                                                                                                                     You should take it as a compliment</em> <em><br/>
                                                                                                          That I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk </em></p><p> </p><p>“Have you talked to her? Does her voice still sound all edgy, pointy, and soft?”</p><p> </p><p>The bartender served Cristina her order but Meredith stole it from her hands before her friend could bring it to her lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey!”</p><p> </p><p>She handed her the now empty glass.</p><p> </p><p>“You're so drunk,” Callie laughed at her antics.</p><p> </p><p>Meredith smiled.</p><p> </p><p>She found everything was funny when drunk.</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously have you heard her voice?! It's so shady and perfect”</p><p> </p><p>“Her voice?”</p><p> </p><p>Cristina was amused and a little freaked out.</p><p> </p><p>Meredith hummed.</p><p> </p><p>Callie shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe it's time to go to sleep, what do you say?”</p><p> </p><p>Cristina took her arm and they walked towards the elevators, pressed the call button, and waited.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit!” the brunette cursed suddenly. “I left my purse on the chair.” she started walking towards the restaurant again. “Our floor is the fifth if you're too wasted to remember that.”</p><p> </p><p>Meredith laughed and waited for the doors to open.</p><p> </p><p>There was weird music inside the elevator.</p><p> </p><p>The doors were just about too close when she saw Addison walking quickly down the hallway and towards her.</p><p> </p><p>A smile took over her face when she realized who was inside the elevator. Meredith could've sworn her eyes were shining.</p><p> </p><p>“Hold it!”</p><p> </p><p>Meredith would blame whatever had come over her on the alcohol in her system.</p><p> </p><p>She rushed forward and hit the close button as hard as she could.</p><p> </p><p>She breathed a sigh of relief when they closed before the redhead could reach them.</p><p> </p><p>She'd probably have to deal with what she had just done, reflect on why the Addison Montgomery affected her that much.</p><p> </p><p>Tomorrow.</p><p> </p><p>Consequences were a problem for sober Meredith.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>                                                                                               You should think about the consequence</em> <em><br/>
                                                                                           Of your magnetic field being a little too strong </em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The buffet room was full.</p><p> </p><p>People were walking around the room eating and chatting with strangers.</p><p> </p><p>She had admittedly had some interesting conversations.</p><p> </p><p>Her mood had sporadically improved since the night before and she could honestly say she was having fun.</p><p> </p><p>She had been in the middle of a conversation with Dr. Parks, a professor from Hopkins. He had retired from surgeries a few months ago because of various problems with his eyesight. The man was retelling the story of his first solo-surgery, and she had been invested.</p><p> </p><p>Up until the point in which her eyes flicked to the door.</p><p> </p><p>Her breath hitched, she gazed back at the other doctor to avoid any actual eye contact with Addison.</p><p> </p><p>When she started moving towards the buffet line she allowed herself to properly take her in.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>                                                                                                           You should take it as a compliment</em> <em><br/>
</em> <em>                                                                                                     That I'm talking to everyone here but you</em></p><p> </p><p>She was wearing a simple black dress that showed off her legs, her hair was down, red locks cascading on her back and moving in synchrony.</p><p> </p><p>She was breathtaking.</p><p> </p><p>Meredith couldn't help but think about how much she had missed looking at her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“That's Dr. Montgomery, Have you had a chance to introduce yourself yet?”</p><p> </p><p>She must've been silent for too long, Dr. Parks had realized her attention was elsewhere.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes flicker back to him, then again to the gorgeous woman in the line.</p><p> </p><p>“Uhm...” she looks at him, not knowing what to say “not yet. Can you..? Uhm”</p><p> </p><p>She keeps looking back at her. There is no point in trying to save this conversation. Her mind is already five miles ahead.</p><p> </p><p>She had just thought of a polite way to get out of it, a coherent sentence that her brain had managed to formulate, but Addison decides to turn around, their eyes meet for the second time and once again nothing makes sense anymore.</p><p> </p><p>She is left panicking and mumbling, breaking eye contact and avoiding looking her way again.</p><p> </p><p>“I'm sorry, Uhm, I have to...” she turns around, then again she smiles at him, awkwardly and apologetic. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Dr. Parks.”</p><p> </p><p>Quickly she walks away, glad that her legs are somehow still functioning. She gets to the back of the room, Callie introduces her to two orthopedics surgeons and she tries as hard as she can to be interested in the conversation.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn't see the way a certain redhead looks at her, but she can almost feel the daggers in the back of her skull.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>                                                                                                              Whisky on ice, Sunset, and Vine<br/>
                                                                                                          You've ruined my life, by not being mine </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Whiskey on the rocks please”</p><p> </p><p>At least this time her seat is actually comfortable.</p><p> </p><p>The fresh air is pleasant against her skin. She thought it'd be colder during the night, but L.A. Keeps surprising her.</p><p> </p><p>She had been on the edge all day, tomorrow they'd fly back to Seattle and it would all come crashing down on her again.</p><p> </p><p>Someone occupies the seat beside her, she doesn't look until the smell of roses hits her nostrils.</p><p> </p><p>Her head moves of her own accord and suddenly she's looking at her again.</p><p> </p><p>She's met with those same eyes that keep haunting her in her sleep.</p><p> </p><p>“You've been avoiding me.”</p><p> </p><p>It's not a question, it's a guilty sentence.</p><p> </p><p>Up close Addison looks even more beautiful.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe <em>that</em> is her punishment.</p><p> </p><p>Meredith can't find her voice, some kind of snake wrapped around her vocal cords.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart flutters. Her palms are sweaty.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of answering she takes her time to observe her.</p><p> </p><p>This time the dress is blue, it reminds Meredith of her attending scrubs, the way she used to roam the hall of the hospital.</p><p> </p><p>But the scrubs never showed this much skin. A thing she's very thankful for because she wouldn't have been able to get anything done.</p><p> </p><p>She wears a silver necklace, but no hearings. Hair is a bit straighter than the day before. Two locks on the front are tangled together to form a little braid. The rest falls behind.</p><p> </p><p>She's a vision, one Meredith never wants to forget.</p><p> </p><p>There's a slight impatient smirk on her face, her perfect eyebrows are arched.</p><p> </p><p>But still, she can't find it in herself to say anything.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You're so gorgeous<br/>
I can't say anything to your face </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The bartender puts her drink in front of her but it's left untouched.</p><p> </p><p>There's not much she thinks she'd be able to do at this moment.</p><p> </p><p>Addison's presence is suffocating, but her heart races and every new breath feels easier with her around.</p><p> </p><p>She's spent these last days hoping to catch a break, but now she's not sure she wants to run anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“Meredith,”</p><p> </p><p>Her name feels better on her lips. She forgot how soft her voice could be.</p><p> </p><p>“Addison.”</p><p> </p><p>At that Addison smiles, her teeth showing.</p><p> </p><p>They start talking, between long pauses that never feel heavy. She tells Addison about Lexie, then about Mark and they share a laugh</p><p> </p><p>Addison tells her about her beautiful house in front of the beach, and her cat.</p><p> </p><p>They talk about the weird people at the conference, about Richard and Callie.</p><p> </p><p>They talk, and it feels freeing, it feels meaningful. There's an understanding between them and Meredith feels more at peace than she remembers being in a long time.</p><p> </p><p>They talk until the staff members tell them that the terrace is closing and kindly kick them out.</p><p> </p><p>Meredith's drink was still full on the counter, but Addison pays, joking about missed opportunities and they leave.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sleeping in the hotel?”</p><p> </p><p>Addison shakes her head. “No, actually. What floor is your room on? I'll accompany you.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don't have to do that,” But secretly Meredith hopes she does.</p><p> </p><p>“I'm happy to,” Addison smiles.</p><p> </p><p>“Fifth.” She says and they head to the elevators.</p><p> </p><p>The music seems better, even though she's not sure it changed.</p><p> </p><p>“What time is your flight tomorrow?”</p><p> </p><p>Now it feels like they're making small talk, which she abhors, but she goes along with the conversation anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“In the afternoon, Cristina wanted us to hit the beach at least once.”</p><p> </p><p>Addison smiles, but doesn't look at her, she looks down.</p><p> </p><p>“It'd be a shame not to.”</p><p> </p><p>They walk towards her door, Meredith takes the key out but hesitates when the door opens.</p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight,” Addison says nodding at her.</p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight.”</p><p> </p><p>Addison turns to leave, but Meredith grabs her by the elbow, she moves her so they're face to face again.</p><p> </p><p>She wants to say something. Addison opens her mouth too, probably having the same idea. They're so close now that she can feel her warm breath on her face.</p><p> </p><p>Her gaze drops to her lips.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe she needs to stop live passively throughout her life.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe she should change the things she doesn't like.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe she should act on those she does like.</p><p> </p><p>So she leans in, giving Addison the time to back out, and then she kisses her.</p><p> </p><p>It starts slow, but her lips are so soft and Meredith craves more. Addison is kissing her back eagerly.</p><p> </p><p>She guides her inside her room and Addison pushes her against the bed.</p><p> </p><p>They make quick work of their clothes.</p><p> </p><p>Addison starts kissing her neck.</p><p> </p><p>“I hated that you ignored me.” She whispers against her skin.</p><p> </p><p>she goes down to her breast and teases a nipple with her tongue. Then she bites softly with her teeth.</p><p> </p><p>Meredith moans, Addison's hands are making their way up her thighs.</p><p> </p><p>“I couldn't take my eyes off of you,” Meredith tells her.</p><p> </p><p>Addison stops, their eyes meet again.</p><p> </p><p>Meredith leans into her, cradling her face in her hands.</p><p> </p><p>“You're too beautiful for anyone's good,” she says softly.</p><p> </p><p>Then she kisses her, trying to make her understand how much she means it. How much she wants her.</p><p> </p><p>Addison pries her legs open and teases her with her fingers.</p><p> </p><p>After that, it's her tongue against her clit. Then both.</p><p> </p><p>Meredith flips the situation when she has the chance and explores Addison's body the way she had wanted to all along.</p><p> </p><p>When morning comes, they're tangled together, a sheet hastily wrapped around them.</p><p> </p><p>The sun shines upon them, the window isn't completely closed so they can feel it on their skin. It's so warm and comfortable in there, and neither of them wants to ever leave.</p><p> </p><p>So when Addison asks her to stay, Meredith kisses her softly, because answering that question is easy. Nothing has ever seemed clearer.</p><p> </p><p>“You're gorgeous,” she whispers against her lips. “Yes,” another kiss. “I'll stay.”</p><p> </p><p>And when the morning breeze wakes them up later, Meredith feels happy and life seems brighter.</p><p> </p><p>She looks at Addison and thinks that she'll never be in the dark again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I briefly thought to insert the part 'Guess I'll just stumble on home to my cats. Alone. Unless you wanna come along' but I talked myself out of it. This is really short and if you haven't noticed yet I don't know how to tag.</p><p>Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know what you think. Leave a kudos and a comment they make my day!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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